hey readers, (: sorry for not updatinq . im quite upset and stress ouy lately .
reason beinq , i cant really say, just r/s problems . i dont know if im emo-inq or what.
i've the thought of commiting suicide this few days, and i've tried. i've slit my wrist, probably to vent out my trouble ? but just now, i just broke down and cried. i really cant hold back my tears anymore. i hate to stay in my father's place! although going out is a yes for me, but i feel like im confined within this bloody small place. i really cant take it. even as im typing now, teras just uncontrolbally roll out of my eyes..

i really dont know what to do .. im so stressed, feelinq so fcuked up. i've got no appetite to eat, no mood to do anything. and i've also decided on temporaily shutting down my blogshop, cause i got totally no mood to do anything .. ):

i really miss the times & him alot . ): is that the reason being im feeliing so down ?
i really just wanna die & end everything. life simply has no meaning .
i miss my son(dead) so suddenly. "Baby kayden, mummy miss you alot ): && im really sorry.. "
its a thursday night, double O ladies night, but im here now, at home. im really really -
urghh . i dont know how to describe . i kept on smoking, smoking & smoking.. tearing .
why's my life turn out this way?

i cant blame anyone, not my mum, anyone else.but i just feel why life is so unfair to me..?
sighs, well, didnt do much for today.

accompanied my brother to PS for the M1 roadshow to sign up new line & stuffs, went to eat at long john silver and back to my father's place. slept till 7 plus pm. life's totally bored.
really got no mood to do anything . cam-whored a little, but also wasnt in the mood. so pictures, i doubt they are nice even.


i just miss you so && why did you do that to me ?..